


beyond, beyond forgetting

by ioncehadabrain



Series: the year of letting go [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Friendship, Gen, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-08
Updated: 2018-05-08
Packaged: 2019-05-04 03:49:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14584311
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ioncehadabrain/pseuds/ioncehadabrain
Summary: “Now,in the city of your absence,another daybreaks."





	beyond, beyond forgetting

Every now and then, more often than he thought it should be, at times like this, when he saw a merry band of children rushing into the academy training fields, soon crying excitement and arrogance and wonder and youth and life, Lee would feel a sharp pang of pain slashing through his heart, leaving him petrified on the damage trail afterwards. Blood roaring in his ears, for a moment he was back down in the dirt again, beaten, crying, howling. Oh, the wrongs. It is not fair.

.

.

.

His vow was to honor Neji's memory every day, forever and always, to see everywhere a reminder of his back, his spinning form, his deadly elegant flicks, his steady arm and shoulder, his sharp intellect and tongue drumming in a cadence of _constructive_ criticism and words of faith, words of wisdom, his voice going hoarse after a particularly rowdy mission, the frown of his mouth before he closed his eyes and let a sigh going the length of a mile escape and decided to give in to whatever plans Gai-sensei and he were so excited about, while Tenten had given up a long time ago, the only sign of her displeasure being a bite into the inside of her left cheek, the soft curve of her face dipping just barely visibly.

Like how he had met every single day of challenge on his ninja's path, Lee had made the firm decision to confront the loss of Neji and its aftermath head-on, because it was what he did: he didn’t need a tombstone, a memento or a mnemonic device of any kind to remember something by.

Being who he was and then who he had chosen to be meant embracing things that inconvenience and hurt until they settled in his veins and became part of his blood, fueling him, keeping him alive, as he marched on, running, arms lunged straight backwards, legs reeling like whirlwinds. Lee lived his life in constant motion like that, in perpetual motion, if he might, because he thought that if one day his life should reach an end, he would take care for it to end in the space between two strides, as he was rushing to a friend's side, as he was back to back with a comrade, as he was charging full-force at the ones who would be causing harm to everything he held dear. He wouldn't mind going down as such, protecting those that had shaped his path all along.

Before, he had known this kind of thing with an intimate confidence akin to an instinct. Had he been an expert in articulating his mind with words and temperance, he would say something like this: in the dawn of their being, human harbor an inherent goodness, so it is only a matter of time and reflection and perseverance for him to grasp and embrace that goodness in his nature. The goodness, he imagined, that lied in training to build endurance and then strength, in seeing past the jabs, the mocking and the lies for something valuable to save in the pocket as a reminder to be good, to be true, in cherishing the good in the world, in its people, in learning to tell between right and wrong, in fighting to right the wrongs and the unfairs on his way, in learning, the hard way that left a bitter ache in the metallic taste of blood in the mouth after one more battle was lost, that much too often, the way of the world was unfair, that there would always be more wrongs than he could fathom and fight, much less to land a victory against.

 _Fool, you, of all people, should know better_ , he had heard Neji’s voice, cold and rasp somewhere above his head, but when he raised his eyes from the broken dirt to meet his rival’s gaze, he was met with an outstretched hand instead. The bandages on Neji’s arm had fallen apart, and as he leaned against his teammate, dragged his feet to match Neji’s deliberately slow and firm paces, and watched the tattered ends of stained cotton bands swinging, twirling, he thought, how cruel, how foolish, but there was kindness, and goodness, here, in his friend. The roars of blood in his ears quieted down, and then he thought: _Oh, the wrongs_. _It is not right. But we would live to fight another day. Isn’t that what you are telling me, Neji_?

.

.

.

Seven months after the war ended, he said to Tenten, by way of conversation, over their iced tea and mochi: _How are you doing these days?_

 _Good_ , her response was somewhat muffled by the curl of her fingers as she prodded her chin up with her elbow, her left thumb etched slightly onto the skin beneath the tug of her mouth. She was looking at a house across the street, freshly rebuilt from a mess of ruins, much like everything else in Konoha these days, be it a house, a street, a people.

They let another brief moment pass in silence, before she turned to look at him. _We’ve been doing well here, considering everything. In Kawa, all the mines collapsed, they are starting from mere scratch, or below, even._ Her gaze drifted down. _Salvaging houses, salvaging people_.

He recalled what she had written in her only letter in the past three months. _I am thankful, then, that grandma doesn’t need a roof over her head to make her youthful curry._

Tenten snorted. _Yes, she herself is a force of nature, indeed. Pot of rage, ladle of spice, curry of life._ She took a sip of her tea and shuddered a little, either from the cold, or the ghost of fiery curry in her mouth. _First month went by in a haze and I was still trying to salvage my taste buds._

 _I’ve missed it_ , he smiled. _I could use three daily doses of energizing nutritious hot curry._

 _Dear Lee, are you, of all people, admitting fatigue_? She deadpanned as if she was mocking him, but he knew better, because had she been having fun at his expense, she would have feigned a gasp and laughed.

So he exclaimed, as if offended. _Tenten! Gai-sensei says to know oneself is a source of strength on its own, and I know there’s a limit to how many reconstruction missions I can manage alone. I don’t even have time for my daily laps ‘round the village these last three weeks, three weeks!_

This time, she did laugh. _Alright, now I am feeling guilty for taking missions in foreign lands and leaving you all on your own, scurrying all over the place to make a living at the expense of proper training_. _This mission should take,_ she cocked her head to the side, _hm, one month, at worst, then I’ll be back to train with you, deal?_

He knew he was practically beaming. _Deal! And when Gai-sensei’s back, we can have hot pot with double broths again, too! It’s been so long-_ he felt his grin frozen as he realized what he had said.

Tenten was still smiling at him.

Lee wanted to bite his tongue.

He turned his gaze away from the sight of her blooming dimples and dropped his head.

It was a long stretch of silence, before he felt her arm reaching over. Her hand landed on the top of his head, and he heard her soft sigh as she mussed his hair up.

 _It is okay to miss him every day, you know_ , she said, one hundred and three heartbeats later as he counted them, teeth deep in the inside of his lower lip. She noticed this, obviously, and her hand fell from his hair to the side of his face, patting slightly, a bit lower than where his teeth met flesh. He let go, inhaled, then exhaled, and inhaled, then exhaled. He allowed himself to look up, his eyes followed the length of her other arm on the table. She was prodding her chin up again, head turned towards the window.

She was looking at the house across the street, freshly patched up into life, like everything else in Konoha these days, be it a house, a street, a people. But her eyes lingered not at the merry shine of the yellow walls glittering in daylight, he realized now, nor the new door bursting opened and closed with people in and out, nor the lush green paint of the re-installed window frames, nor baby blue flowers waving at them from their pots on the porch. She stayed with the rough edges of the broken old eaves, the only trace of ruins remained in an otherwise rebirthed house bursting with rebirthed lives. He saw weary washed red like blood stains fading into the quiet wells of her eyes, and then she looked back at him, and smiled.

A sharp pang of pain slashed through his heart, leaving him petrified on the damage trail.

**Author's Note:**

> \- Details such as Kawa, as in Kawa no Kuni, or Land of Rivers, and the curry of life are taken from the Kurosaki Family Removal Mission arc in the anime. Good old days when anime filler was actually worth crying over.  
> \- Hot pot with double broths i.e. Chinese yin-yang hot pot, where the pot is divided in half for two kinds of broth. In my experience, flavors vary greatly, but it's usually something spicy and something non-spicy.  
> \- Hyuuga Neji's a loser whose tolerance of spiciness hovers somewhere near zero (not unlike myself) and is the lowest in Team Gai. Hence the pot.


End file.
